Rejection: A Realization You Can Still Do Cool Sh*t without the Job Title

I know I'm too little too late here, but also better late than never on this one.

Ok team - here’s the skinny. I graduated July 14, 2017 with a MA in Sports Management and Law. I am still gainfully unemployed.

When I say unemployed I mean I don’t have a salary, but I do have a few jobs.

I have a spreadsheet of every job, lead, and where I’m at in the application process. Within 80+ job apps, I’ve had two interviews.  I am semi-motivated by the fact that when I do get a job, I will frame that damn spreadsheet and scribble “WORTH IT,” while it hangs above my home office desk. It will serve as a reminder that it was all worth it in the end, but until then this experience has served to be unhealthy, humiliating and eye-opening.

I’ve had weeks of feeling worthless and stupid with thoughts like: “WHY WON’T ANYONE HIRE ME? I’M FLIPPING ASHLEY HUGHES AND I’M GREAT!” Then I think, “maybe I should do another MA in the US where I would have the right network.” I think I never should have done that MA.

And there’s my personal favorite: “I’m not good enough.”

All of the above allows other people, people (and computer algorithms) to decide how I feel.

No, that needs to end.

I went down the rabbit hole all too often while comparing myself to classmates and close friends. I said and felt awful things like “I’m so much better than this person. I deserve that job.” Rude. I need to support my classmates, not tear them down because things are not exactly working out for me the way I planned.

I’m aware I could get a well-paid job somewhere in a weird field that I don’t care about, but I’m a millennial and I believe in doing passionate work. I really do.

In the last 14 months, I defined my success around my failure to find a job. In other words I’ve felt like a complete and utter failure with the zest of disappointment.  There’s been one hit after another. In one day I once got seven rejection emails. SEVEN. Did these companies have a pow wow and say let’s really destroy her ego today? Like wow universe. WAY TO CRUSH A SOUL.

The above described is an unhealthy attitude and I will be straight up, I did not do myself any favors. Being unable to find a job brought me down so many levels. I’ve always defined myself as smart, worthy, creative - basically any adjective that should get me hired. I work really hard and I’m dedicated. So why can’t I get a job? What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me?

ANSWER: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I am awesome. I will do awesome things.

I know I’m not alone in the above, but people don’t talk about it. So I’m here to talk about it. We are not alone. I’m not going to spout some universal knowledge like “we need to learn from our failures,” but I do think that this experience is leading me to my proper path.

I have spent many a day feeling completely lost. I felt unfulfilled. I have been frustrated that I worked 70 hours/week for $700 after taxes. THAT’S INSANE. But I did it. But I also learned that’s insane. Never again will I not take days off. It’s so unhealthy and it took a toll on everything that actually matters in my life, like my relationship with my boyfriend and parents. I’m devastated to report it took a serious negative life event this week to wake me the eff up and help me realize I am more than a job title.

I went to grad school because I wanted a stable job and a life that would allow me to teach yoga for fun rather than an income on which I’ve become reliant.

I’ve been trying for jobs in Switzerland, but I have the wrong passport. I’ve been aiming at big jobs with big sports clubs in the US, but I don’t have that network. I enter my CV into an abyss of online applications without a fair chance. It’s time for me to restructure and think about what I really want because sitting around applying to jobs with a high rejection rate is not getting me anywhere closer to where I truly want to be.

A good friend of mine yesterday said maybe it’s time to explore other passions. I can still go change the world. I can still pursue my passions, but on my own terms. I have all the tools, and tons of experience. It’s time I take the stick out of my a$$ and be proud of who I am and who I will become. I need to stop comparing myself to others and lead my own damn life.

I am designed to impact lives; I’ve known that for years. A different friend once described me as the tidal wave whereas most people are raindrops in life. I’m starting to realize that there are different ways I can impact the world.

In high school and college I believed I would be a Burberry trench coat wearing, corner office dominating, career woman. But I value travel, time off and experiences more than I value wearing tennis shoes as a commuter to that big office and healthcare.

This past week reeked havoc on my life as I know it. As painful of an experience as the last seven days have been, I feel like I’ve gotten my thoughts in order. I have clarity for the first time in years. I value relationships, happiness and love over all else which is scary but freeing.

Don't get me wrong, I still plan to change the world, but in a way that suits Ashley Hughes, not some image of Ashley Hughes I've had in my head since middle school.

Thank you, Pinterest for your words of wisdom.

I’m learning that I can contribute to society in a much different way than I would ever think. In the past year I resisted getting involved in the community in Breck because I didn’t want to stay here. I was afraid I would join neverland and work for $11/hour for the rest of my life. But that $11/hour allows me to work on passion projects and ski for free. I’ve been afraid of what people would think. Ashley Hughes moved to Breckenridge because she fell in love? Wasn’t she going to go change the world or something? Shouldn’t she be in a suit driving a Tesla?

Oh I still want a Tesla, but you know what? Yes. I did move to Breck because I’m in love. I felt like I couldn’t contribute to society up here because everyone just wants to ski and drink. That’s not true. I’ve met so many cool people in the last six weeks that I realized I’m wrong. So wrong. I can teach yoga up here. I can lead environmental policies that could change the face of sustainability across the world from here. There are so many things I can do from here, but I allowed myself to block all those ideas out based on some ideal I've had since my youth.

LIKE WHAT AN IDIOT I’VE BEEN. NO?

I allowed myself to spend the last 14 months of my life wallowing in failure. My thoughts went negative. I couldn’t understand why people didn’t like me or if they did, why they weren't willing to pay me my worth.

Let’s be straight- I’m starting over, and I have to start somewhere, but 28K/year? Nope. I need to accept my personal worth and acknowledge that my education and experience will afford me a job that means I don’t need a second job or 11 roommates. However, there is a balance there. I must avoid turning into a complete douche canoe and state entitlements. There is a fine line between knowing one’s worth and being a dick. It will probably take a few stabs to find that balance, but I’m on the right path.

Here’s the deal. We’re taught from our family, friends, teachers, professors and coworkers that we can do anything from such a young age. I firmly believe that we can do anything, but we cannot do everything, at least not well. However, we’re not taught how to react or learn from rejection. It took 14 months of job application misery, unhealthy comparisons to others and sincerely one of the worst challenges in my life last week for me to learn that.

We all get rejected; we are not alone. I hope that my story can help anyone else going through the same misery to understand that there is so much more to life than a title. There really is. We truly can do cool shit without a highly visible LinkedIn profile. I just wish I’d figured it out sooner.