A Diva is a Female Version of a Hustla: A Celebration of my Diva Retirement

Until September 10th, 2018, Beyonce would have described me as a diva. I always thought to be a diva you had to dress like Aretha Franklin and you could ask for things like Sushi at an Italian restaurant and it would happen like magic, but in the millenial world, a diva is someone who works a lot of jobs- and in my specific case on the quest to finance my adventure lifestyle, and find myself.

But no more. 

This diva has hung up her feather boa and man do I feel good!

When I first drafted this post in May 2018, I was on the hustler train working three part time jobs, commuting 1 hr and 45 min one way three days a week, building an app and launching my blog - all the while trying to maintain a sense of identity and sanity...

But as you may have guessed that blew up in my face. 

The whole multiple jobs things started years ago. In high school I babysat and worked as a lifeguard. In college I was a lifeguard during the semester, a Santa's Helper (oh yes, I was an elf) every holiday season which meant I worked two jobs during finals, and on breaks I would babysit and lifeguard.

I just donated 10 lifeguard outfits to goodwill last month, so if you need a 2019 Halloween costume, I got you.

Elf Life, where Macy's in Minneapolis thankfully did not require elf ears. The job was actually very fun.

The hustler life would pause when I signed with my firm in 2013, but then I began volunteering at my yoga studio in exchange for free yoga.

After a summer in Brazil, I returned to DC to find I could not afford cost of living while searching for a job, so I picked up as many yoga classes as I could, started hostessing at a restaurant, interned for $10/hour with the Special Olympics, and worked as a part time manager for a local yoga studio.

For a few weeks, this was great- I worked in an incredible restaurant that not only fed me fabulous meals I could never afford, but the staff and clientele were incredible. A Saturday hostessing was way more fun than getting wasted on U Street. No really, it was lit.

Yoga was great because I got to see my friends, and build a strong booty Beyonce would support, and the other two jobs would lead me somewhere.

But eight weeks in, I microwaved my wallet instead of my tea and showed up to my internship instead of the yoga studio...something had to give.

I left the Special Olympics because that job was going nowhere, and pretty soon I turned the part-time yoga job into full-time. I stayed at the restaurant because I enjoyed it and I continued to teach yoga. Working three jobs afforded me my second yoga teacher training and helped support my future goal of paying for grad school up front.

Do you need a nap just reading this because it was just as exhausting as it sounds. 

I was exhausted. I had nothing left to give after a while, but I was Ashley, the girl who didn't drink coffee but had more energy than most people. I think part of it was I really loved all my jobs, but I lost my voice incessantly, and spent more time in a studio than I did in my apartment for over a year.

But I was Ashley so when the opportunity to take on a six week traveling soccer contract that paid well arose, of course I said yes.

Not only was I in multiple time zones managing the funest (not a word) group of Jamaican soccer players, but I was also building program schedules for the yoga studio, calling sponsors for events, and managing social media. After six weeks of that, I realized I would never work on a political campaign because 24 hour work days should not be a thing.

I was toast.

I eventually left the restaurant and taught 10-15 yoga classes a week on top of my 40+ hour work weeks. For a DC resident that's not that much, but I was run down. Six months before grad school I had bronchitis twice in a month. I started to turn into a very crabby, bitter human, and the moment I left my management position with the yoga studio and started teaching full time the summer before grad school, I was a brand new woman.

But I still didn't take the time to sit with myself- instead I hustled to 30 yoga classes a week and practiced on my own. 

So when I got to grad school I basically thought I was capable of anything because for the past four years I had been on the go go go and had always made my situation work out for the best. I felt I could do the same in school. Mmm nope.

At present, I am a recovering hustleholic and I am proud. My whole philosophy on life is that life is meant to be lived, experienced and seen all over the world- but I learned the last year by working three jobs/7 days a week in CO, I was living a life against my own brand. I was too tired to hike, or wakeboard, and when I did have time off, I felt like I needed to be working. 

GROSS.

My work ethic comes from wanting to do well, inspire others, and afford my lifestyle (those flights to Europe are costly), and as I recently learned a core negative belief that I would never be good enough. I'm happy to report I worked through that core negative belief that took me all the way back to 7th grade mean girls, volleyball bullying, that time my crush called me fat, swim team bullying, college rejections from BU and OSU, vicious DC bosses and a traumatic event in grad school. 

I fought tooth and nail to stick to my guns about experiencing life by thinking my hustles were a part of the experience, but my willingness to prove I was good enough through hustles led to me run away from my true self and values.

Not cool.

I'm happy to report I worked through much of the above and am proud to be Ashley, the retired Diva, just living her life, hoping to inspire people through fitness and travel, who likes to write for fun, drop into handstands at landmarks, loves shitty puns, skiing, hiking, chocolate, ziplines, teaching, horseback riding and crate and barrel couches. 

I originally planned to promote the side hustle lifestyle, but I decided to renounce my title as the unofficial Side Hustle Queen. I may still hustle from time to time and I'm sure I'll have to run for a train or an airplane again in life, but I'm not out here trying to work four jobs, maintain a social life, eat healthy, workout, and shower every day anymore. It was a bit much.

I still shower every day though...cleanliness is key.

Do I think side hustles are awesome? Yes. Should you take a sense of pride in yours? Yes. Do you need 10 hustles and no days off? No. 

"No Days Off" is a slogan meant only for Nike tees. I am unable to recommend it as a lifestyle. 

No Days Off is also a slogan for the New England Patriots and Fetty Wap song...neither of which I want to be compared to in life.

Side Hustles can become a business, a creative outlet, a vacation fund, a rainy day account, or if you're like me, your actual source of income.

However, I no longer recommend the latter unless you've committed to making your side hustle your career or your hustle is a passion project that equates to a day off.

Do I regret my time as a diva? No.

I was able to finance numerous trips abroad, buy a motor scooter named Emmy,  pay for grad school up front, and sculpted the bootys of many high powered women roaming the world. I also gained a wealth of experience and more importantly maintained strong relationships all over the world and learned so much. Much of the above helped shape who I am today. I'm proud of all of those things- but at 29, I'm ready to chill out and enjoy everything I already have- knowing I can travel, teach, and make more money whenever I need or want.

As my dad always says "you can always make more money."

My philosophy before I moved to Italy in high school was one works to live, rather than live to work, but this past summer I realized I got up every morning and went to work and every day I lost a little piece of my soul. I could have taken days off and gone for a hike, or paddle board, one day a week was not going to make or break me, but I learned I utilized hustles to avoid some of my greatest fears. I can still be driven and enjoy my life.

There's a lot more to that story, but that's a book for 2019.

As lucrative and rewarding as hustling is, it can be exhausting. So while I am an advocate of the hustle and it worked out well for me many times, I'm now learning to take time to enjoy my life rather than thinking about the next move or big thing. It's time to just be happy with who I am, where I am.

My identifications as an employee became stronger than my true identity as Ashley and when that line blurred, problems arose.

 "Busy" is not a personality trait.

I learned more in 2018 than other year and one of those key pieces was mindfulness- to live in the moment- no longer planning 10 months out for what plane I'd be on and how many overtime hours I needed to work to pay it off.  I think it is very fair to say that sometimes in life we need to work a little harder to get to where we need to be, but it's important to weigh the costs. 

If you work on a mountain and love mountains, yet struggle to enjoy the view, it may be time to address what's really going on. It's probably not the mountain, or the people, it's probably something with one's self- and that was very much the case for me, and a good deal of that was hustling to avoid confronting the real problem.

Live and learn.

Sometimes the best thing to do is to stop acting as a human-doing, but act as human being. A pause can be more fruitful than completing a 10 page to-do list. 


Jesus, I really am going to be a wise (and humble) 30 year old in a few months.

A flipping men.

I lead a life with zero regrets for the hustle life, but am happy I've learned to slow down because I am a much better human, friend, daughter, girlfriend, writer, employee, and yogi when I take care of myself. 

My time management and work management skills infinitely improved after taking a pause. I get more done now than ever before by doing less. I feel like it's counterintuitive, but if it works who am I to argue?

My advice?

If you hustle, find balance - between your friends, your relationships, your health and your finances and actually notice what day it is.

I feel like I struggled a bit with this post to articulate that hustles really can be great and I loved all of mine, but I'm also ready to utilize all the experience I gained through those hustles in a way that permits me to slow down and enjoy more moments. 

So if you are hustling- or are thinking about hustling, here are some questions I think might help you avoid burnout and things I'm glad I learned. Let's call it the "Side Hustle or Nah" quiz.

Side Hustle or Nah?

1. Is your side hustle designed to fulfill a short term financial goal? (Like paying off a car or a nice Christmas present for your parents?)

2. Is your side hustle something you're passionate about and something you enjoy? (Does it feel like work, or are you happy to work on this during your time off?)

3. Is your side hustle something you want to turn into your full-time gig? (Can you eventually quit your full-time job and pursue your hustle as a career?)

4. Is your side hustle allowing you more freedoms (financial, social, etc) than it takes away?

5. Can you take a day off every week?

6. How many times have you gotten sick, felt down, or felt on edge in the last month? (If it's more than once...it might be time to take a step back and reassess). 

Just some food for thought.

OR DON'T- do what's best for you and know that's always good enough.